I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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