we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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