i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize