My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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