I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Say something about gay babies.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
