what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
