how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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