how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
