the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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