Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
