I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I wear drunk well.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
