no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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