the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
