He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
