I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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