The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
