i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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