It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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