All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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