Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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