my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I wear drunk well.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
