We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
