They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
