If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
