I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
