You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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