my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
