that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
