what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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