I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize