I think i peed on brittanys purse
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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