Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
