you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
