She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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