Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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