This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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