We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i now understand why vodka
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
