she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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