I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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