Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have post one night stand depression
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
