i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
