he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
