FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
