I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
