Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize