we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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