i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
