May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
