i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize