I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
