Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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