Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
