New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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