She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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