u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
