i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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