My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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