in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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