glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
