Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
