So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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