mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
