Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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