vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we're making bets on your personal life
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
