take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
