So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
