But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
