god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
where does the pee come out of this thing
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i think im in europe. pls send help
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
