Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
