this beer tastes like vomit already
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
