just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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