I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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