Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
