Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
