Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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