3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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